When Someone You Love Starts to Leave
It may come as a long text message late at night. It may be a podcast your son asks you to hear, a friend who quietly stops coming, or one sentence at dinner that changes the room: “I don't think I believe this anymore.” Your stomach drops. You want to argue, or fix it, or cry. This study is for that moment, and for the long months after it.
James closed his whole letter on this subject. His last words are about a person who has wandered and a person who goes after him.
“Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him; Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.”JAMES 5:19–20 · KJV
God never meant for us to watch a brother drift and say nothing. The church is meant to be a safety net. If the person who wandered is saved, we confront him and restore him. If he is unsaved, we confront him and plead with him to repent. You may not be able to tell which one you are looking at, and James's counsel is the same either way: go after him. To save a soul from death may mean rescuing a child of God from the death his Father's chastening can bring (1 Corinthians 11:30–32), or it may mean seeing someone who never knew Christ delivered from eternal death. Either one is worth the phone call.
This study is for the person left standing on the shore. If you are the one who walked away, turn to The Way Back. For the reasons people leave, see Why People Walk Away. For what Scripture says about falling away, see What Is Apostasy?
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For Deeper Study
- Generation Ex-Christian: Why Young Adults Are Leaving the Faith...and How to Bring Them BackAmazon Drew DyckInterviews with young adults who left, sorted into kinds of leavers, with practical counsel for reaching each. Evangelical.
- Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and LoveAmazon Edward T. WelchA short, warm guide to helping a friend without being an expert. From a Reformed biblical counseling background.
- When Good Kids Make Bad Choices: Help and Hope for Hurting ParentsAmazon Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jim Newheiser, with Laura HendricksonBiblical counselors write to parents of wayward children, including those who are grown. Reformed in outlook.
- Another Gospel?: A Lifelong Christian Seeks Truth in Response to Progressive ChristianityAmazon Alisa ChildersA lifelong believer tells how a progressive pastor's class shook her faith and how she rebuilt it. Useful to hand to a friend with questions. Evangelical.
- Church Discipline: How the Church Protects the Name of JesusAmazon Jonathan LeemanA clear, pastoral guide to when and how a congregation should act. From 9Marks, a Baptist and Calvinistic ministry; we differ on election.
- Foxe's Book of MartyrsAmazon John FoxeThe classic Protestant record of those who died for the faith, from the early church to the English Reformation.
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Why People Walk Away
People walk away from the faith through wounds, unanswered questions, slow drift, and desires they will not surrender, and Scripture calls us to take each one seriously, to judge no one's soul, and to point every wanderer back to Christ.
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