Two Callings, One Team
Read Ephesians 5 aloud in a room, and you can feel people shift in their seats. Many hear the word submit and picture a woman silenced and a man in charge. Some have been hurt by men who used these verses as a club. Others have decided the passage belongs to a harsher age. Read carefully, it describes something better than either feminism or tyranny can offer.
People tend to fall into one of two ditches. One says there is no God-given difference between a husband's calling and a wife's. The other says the husband is the boss and his wife exists to serve him. Scripture rejects both. Husbands and wives are equal in worth and different in role, and both callings are shaped like Jesus Christ.
Nothing in this study asks anyone to accept abuse. Headship is never a right to control, threaten, or harm. Abuse is sin and a crime. If you are in danger, call the police, get to safety, and tell a pastor. Separating for safety is not disobedience. See Hurting Homes.
Start Before Verse 22
Paul's words on marriage do not begin with wives. Before he addresses either spouse, he tells the whole church to be filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18), to give thanks always for all things (Ephesians 5:20), and then to live this way: Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God (Ephesians 5:21).
So a Christian marriage starts with a Spirit-filled life, a thankful heart, and a humble willingness to put the other person first. Without those, no list of roles will work. With them, most marriage problems begin to shrink (see Walking in the Spirit). Marriage is teamwork, and it is held together by humility.
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For Deeper Study
- Recovering Biblical Manhood and WomanhoodAmazon John Piper and Wayne Grudem, editorsThe standard scholarly defense of the complementarian view. The editors are Reformed; we differ on election.
- The Exemplary HusbandAmazon Stuart ScottA practical guide to a husband's calling from the biblical counseling movement, which leans Reformed.
- Let Me Be a WomanAmazon Elisabeth ElliotWarm, thoughtful letters on womanhood and marriage, written for her daughter before her wedding.
- Discovering Biblical EqualityAmazon Ronald W. Pierce and Rebecca Merrill Groothuis, editorsThe leading scholarly case for the egalitarian view. We differ, but this is the fairest place to read it in its own words.
- Foxe's Book of MartyrsAmazon John FoxeThe classic Protestant record of those who died for the faith, from the early church to the English Reformation.
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God's Design for Marriage
Marriage is God's own design: a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, made before Him, that joins two people as one flesh and pictures Christ and His church.
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